A few thoughts from Wanda:
Ray Pfaff and Mark Walter call these “Wanda-ism” stories. You know, things like yesterday, when I turned on the street to my house and saw my husband driving towards me heading back to work. I decided to play chicken with him, swerving all the way over into his lane like I was going to hit him head on, only to realize that, in fact, it was NOT my husband, but rather some poor old, terrified white man who may or may not have proceeded directly to the police station!!!!
Or another time (and this is Mark Walter’s favorite Wanda-ism) when I was at the grocery store. When we walked out to put the groceries in the trunk, the key wouldn’t pop it open. I tried it over and over, but NOTHING. It was a new car that I had just started driving, so I figured my auto lock/unlock feature wasn’t working. So, I walked around, leaving the poor bagboy with my cart of groceries standing in the heat, and attempted to use it to automatically unlock my door so I could pop the trunk from the inside. That didn’t work either, so I was a little panicked because I didn’t have an actual key with me. It was, ohhhhhh, about 100 degrees outside and we were melting.
I saw a cop and flagged him over and explained our situation. Brand new on the job, he said he wasn’t supposed to do this, but he would use his “stick” to unlock the door. After a good 5 minutes of trying, voila! He got it opened – at which time we heard this sweet little elderly lady (in a Katherine Hepburn voice) ask, “What are you doing to my car???”
The cop froze in his tracks. I told the poor little lady that she was confused and that this was my car. I then turned around to realize that the interior was cloth (mine is leather), the dashboard was white (mine is tan), and IT WAS A TOYOTA CAMRY (MINE IS A LINCOLN LX)!!!!!
The cop was mortified because he was afraid he would lose his job. I just stood there with the deer caught in the headlight look, and asked, “Then, where is MY car??”
The bagboy with my cart of groceries pointed and said, “It is probably that one over there with the trunk popped open!” AHHHH!!!!! I just told the cop (who feared for his job) to just go back to the police station, walk into the Chief’s office and simply say to Steve, “Wanda McMahon,” and he would be fine!
The list goes on and on and on…